My Precious Love

I remember when I was a little girl, my grandmother would take me to the hair salon with her. I’d get my hair curled in Shirley Temple curls and she’d get what we called Sista curls. She was the diva and I was Diva Jr.! Everyone in that beauty shop loved my grandmother. I don’t really remember much of the conversations held there, but I do know that my grandmother would have everyone laughing, hooping, and hollering from the time we got there until the time we left. She was so fierce it’s unbelievable. I still go to the same beautician now and when I’m there, she lets it be known that I’m Dorothy’s granddaughter. I quietly reminisce about my grandmother all the time, but especially today. She would’ve been 58 years old today. It doesn’t even seem like she’s been gone 10 years! I can remember so many things about her like she was just here yesterday. She was so full of love and she’d do anything for anybody. She loved purple pens...wouldn’t write with any other color. I can still remember what her handwriting looked like. It was beautiful and her D’s and H’s were so pretty to me. I can even remember her smell. She always smelled so good and she would always wear really high heeled shoes. She would let me come to her job with her and hang out all the time. Everyone would cater to me and get me anything I wanted. I can remember my mom, her and I would go shopping on weekends. If there was anything I wanted, I had it. No questions asked. After shopping, we’d go out to eat and she would always leave the waiter or waitress a fat tip! That was just the kind of person she was. My grandmother absolutely loved jewelry too! She had a ring for every finger, bracelets galore, earrings, anklets...etc. As a matter of a fact, I have one of her rings now that I wear every single day. Her cooking was to die for! I mean, that woman could make anything taste good! Even Spam! She and I used to watch cooking shows together all the time. (not sure why I didn’t pick that up from her) She’d be standing in the kitchen pigeon toed, stirring so hard her whole body would shake. I remember she loved hot baths too. She would soak in the tub for hours. Her skin was so soft. She lived with me and my mom for a long time while she was sick and although we were already close, we grew closer to each other during that time. If I was in a different room and she wanted me she’d say, “Ms. Gitrey...come here precious” To her everyone’s name was precious or sweetheart or something that made you feel good inside. Nobody could ever make me believe she had even 1 enemy in this world because everyone couldn’t help but to love her. There wasn’t a mean bone in her body. I love and miss that woman so much! She always knew how to fill my heart with joy. My grandmother was and still is very special to me. I’m so lucky to have been a part of her life. I never really believed in guardian angels until she went to heaven. She is my angel! She comes to me all the time. Not in ghost form or anything like that, but in numbers. For example, I always see the clock when it’s 2:26 or 6:22. (Her birthday and death date) My last apartment number was 2226. Just little things like that let me know she’s always with me in spirit. She’s even come to me through another person before. It was one of my patients and this particular person knew absolutely nothing about me but my grandmother spoke to her. As she was getting her blood drawn this woman told me my nick name and said that my grandmother was deceased and she knew we were really close. She knew things about me that nobody would know. She kept asking me questions and finally I asked why? She said because your grandmother wants me to tell you to start going to church. I was so shocked but I believed that lady. My grandmother was an amazing person and nobody could ever fill her void in my life. I wish I had more time to spend with her but I understand that she served her purpose on earth and she’s now in her eternal home. She still lives in my heart though and I have enough memories of her to last a lifetime. That’s a blessing in itself! Happy birthday Grandmother! I loved you when you were here physically, I love you now, and I’ll love you always and forever precious!

Dick Day

Okay, so that's what I've named this day. Why, do you ask? Because all the dicks in this office want to piss all over the pussies, that's why! I apologize for the vulgar metaphor, but that's exactly how I feel. If a question is thrown my way, AND ONLY MY WAY, why does the dick feel like he has to talk over me? I know my job and I complete my tasks autonomously. I don't need somebody else to fuck my duck because I'm very much so capable of doing it myself! Seriously! And after the meeting is adjourned, I don't need "the dicks" having little side conversations about what Kee is going to do, how she's going to do it, and when. Hell no! That's not how it works around here. Now mind you, this is some last minute shit they want when it was previously talked about and everyone came to an agreement on what was priority. I did what I had to do, now you want me to have my patients, who happen to live out of state by the way, come in for an EXTRA visit when they are already scheduled? What the hell is that? Then you want them all to come in the next 2 fucking weeks? Gotta be kidding me! That is not what we discussed in the last meeting and I've already scheduled them for their normal appointments and CT scans. We can kill two birds with one stone and have everything done in 1 day so patients don't have to rearrange their schedules just for a damn 10 minute CT. I'm so pissed off because I've scheduled all of these patients to come in a 2 month window. So, in April all patients will have had their CT scans, plus their normal standard of care appointments in the same day and live happily ever after. That was the unanimous decision. That's what the hell I spent a whole day doing. I'm not changing it just because they have come to a completely different decision without me, yet it involves me. I'm just not fucking doing it. PERIOD. Dick or no dick, I can still fuck my own damn duck and I don't need help. Got it? GOOD!

Now I will say this...had we come to this agreement when it was initially discussed, please believe I wouldn't have had a problem getting these patients scheduled within the time frame that is now preferred. I would've had a whole month to work with. But 2 weeks later you want to come into my office and just tell me I have to get them scheduled in 2 weeks!? Uh, no! You better sitcho ass down somewhere. You do not write out my pay checks. Case closed...end of discussion.

Oh, yeah! And then you didn't even bother to say, thank you or I appreciate a job well done. NOTHING. Absolutely no appreciation what-so-ever. Ha. Unbelievable!

OH MY...

Goodness! If you don't know, this is a picture of Rihanna after the altercation between her and Chris Brown. When I see this picture I immediately feel angry. Look at her! I never thought it would be this bad, but clearly it is. Now before seeing this picture, I didn't really have anything to say that would blame either party for what occured, because I didn't know what really happened. And even though I still don't know all the facts, I feel as though I don't need to know and don't really care to know. Look at her fucking face! As aformentioned in my previous blog about Chris and Rihanna, we still need to pray for and reach out to the both of them. That's all I gotta say folks!

Goodbye...

I was no longer happy. I believe in happiness and I also believe happiness is a choice. If you choose to be happy, you will be. It’s just that simple. I love O and care for him still, but right now I feel as though we are on two different pages in life. He’s not a bad person by far which is why it was so hard for me to say goodbye. I didn’t want the relationship to end this way, but I felt unappreciated. My love for him was taken for granted and if it wasn’t, he had a bizarre way of showing his love. Although I’m hurting inside, at the same time I feel a sense of relief. Only because I knew things hadn’t been right in a while. I thought maybe we were just “going through something” and things would get better, but I was wrong. Our relationship started to fall apart and I watched it happen day by day. It got to a point where phone conversations were very vague. No conversation lasted longer than 5 minutes. We used to talk for hours and have a good time. We used to do everything together. Then whenever I came back home, he’d choose to do everything under the sun but spend time with me. When things change drastically like that, it doesn’t go unnoticed. So, after having several talks about where our relationship was going and he reassured me that he really did want to be with me and try to make things work, I figured I’d give it a chance. Well, his actions didn’t back his words up at all and yesterday I just felt tired. I felt like I was in a relationship by myself. I called him and told him we needed to talk. I said “I think we both know things haven’t been right between us. I don’t know if it’s the distance, somebody else, or what it is, but I’m not happy. This is extremely hard for me, but my heart tells me that I can’t do this any longer. I’m not sure how you feel about what’s going on right now because you never express your feelings to me. I’m always left in the dark, so now I have to do what’s best for the both of us because clearly neither of us are happy. And if that’s the case, why should we have to endure this any longer? I don’t hate you, I think you are a great person, and I’m blessed to have been a part of your life. But, it’s time for us both to move on.”

So there you have it. I’ve chosen to focus on my life and LIVE life happily instead of being trapped in a dead end relationship. I wish O all the best in his life and maybe one day we’ll cross each other’s path again. But for now....I’m just going to do me. Yeah, I think that’s best.

Rasist Fuckery

Exactly what the hell is this all about? I find this very disturbing and don't think this issue should be taken lightly at all. The NY Post is out of line for this!

The Rev. Al Sharpton is demanding that The New York Post, which has come under fire in the past for racially tinged cartoons, explain what it meant in its latest controversial offering. Played prominently on today’s editorial pages, the cartoon depicts two police officers – one with his smoking gun drawn – standing over what appears to be a dead chimpanzee in a pool of blood. One officer says to the other: “Now they’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill.” Is begs the question: Are they referring to the dead chimp as the president of the United States?

Without jumping to conclusions I tried to determine what the $787 billion stimulus package signed into law yesterday and the police shooting of a raging mad chimpanzee have in common. The Rev. Al Sharpton appears to be a bit puzzled as well. “Being that the stimulus bill has been the first legislative victory of President Barack Obama (the first African American president) and has become synonymous with him it is not a reach to wonder whether the Post cartoonist was inferring that a monkey wrote it?”

“On its face, it appears that the Post is not only calling Obama an ape, but a dead ape. “The cartoon in today’s New York Post is troubling at best, given the racist attacks throughout history that have made African-Americans synonymous with monkeys,” Sharpton writes on his National Action Network Web site. “One has to question whether the cartoonist is making a less than casual inference to this form of racism when, in the cartoon, the police say after shooting a chimpanzee, ‘now they will have to find someone else to write the stimulus bill, Sharpton writes.

Chriannah Scandal

I'm so sick of hearing about Chris Brown and Rihanna. Seriously! Nobody knows what happened because nobody was there but the two of them. Rihanna, nor Chris have released statements explaining what actually happened. So, everybody needs to sit their asses down! I see all these outside people in the media who make it their business to "put their two cents in" and they don't even have the facts. What people need to be doing is reaching out to them both and not just being on Team Chris or Team Rihanna. They both need support and prayer. Now I will say this, it is not okay to put your hands on another person. However, people as in "we all" make mistakes and like I said, nobody has the facts to have an opinion worth listening to. I don't have a problem with people voicing their opinion, but know what you are talking about before you just jump on the bandwagon with whoever you think is right. That's not fair at all. With that said, people please let Chris and Rihanna settle their differences and get on with their careers.

Jesus, Take the Wheel

My best friend/sister tried to commit suicide last night. I don't know what to say to her. I spoke with her this morning....

Me: Hey sis, I just got your text. I was asleep last night.
Sis: I'm not supposed to even be talking to anybody right now. I'm not supposed to be here.
Me: What do you mean?
Sis: I overdosed on pills last night. Why am I still here?
Me: Because GOD said it's not your time. You have not served your purpose here on earth yet, and until you do, you will remain here with your loved ones. You do not have the right to take your own life because you did not create it!
Sis: (continuously crying)

Okay, in this situation, I have absolutely no idea what to do! I don't know what to say. I'm all the way in Dallas and she's not, so I'm not there physically. I know how it feels to not want to live anymore, but I've never made an attempt to commit suicide. I am so worried about her right now because I know she's going through something that she herself can't even understand. So I'm giving it to God and I hope she does the same.

Dear God,
You are the ruler of all things. I pray that you give my sister the strength she needs to carry on with her life. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. Please make it alright God. I love her to an extent that no person could ever understand. Show her how valuable she is to me and everyone else's life she has touched. Help her to comprehend the fact that her son needs his mother. Show her that everything she is going through will only make her stronger. She's still standing Lord, but I see her loosing balance by the minute. I'm standing on my faith in you God, because I know there is no other way. Please help her to do the same. I thank you for all blessings in the past, present, and in advance, the future. Jesus, we need you to help her get past this huge hurdle in her life. In Jesus' name I pray.

AMEN...

He, Me or She?

Could this be just one big illusion?
My heart seems to see clearly,
But my mind is steadily feuding.
Feuding with my heart & this so-called illusion.
Who has the last piece to this puzzle?
Am I supposed to have it or is he?
Is HE supposed to create it or are we?
Torn in between the two... Could it be?
Me between my mind and heart,
Or him between her and me?
Or is there even a she?
Is she me, or am I trippin...cause see,
Things aren’t like they used to be.
That's one thing that's very clear to me.
So, whatever or whoever you are...
A puzzle, game, a she, or an illusion
Don’t think you’re unnoticed,
Don't think I'll remain in the midst of confusion.
Because my heart and mind will eventually find a solution.