Do you really wanna share?

Ummm, let me see....what do I want blog about today? I really don't have anything itching to get out of this brain of mine. I'm just bored as hell at work (we have absolutely no patients which is why I asked for the day off, but you see I'm still at work, so you know what the answer to that was), so decided to add yet another entry.

So, why do guys try to pursue you when you're in a relationship, then when you're available all the men seem to have fell of the face of the fucking earth? What the hell is that about? Seriously! Everyone knows about my "O" and he ain't going nowhere. But, had he not been in the picture, these guys probably wouldn't even bother. Well, I know they wouldn't because that's how it goes. Once a man finds out a woman is not available for whatever they're trying to become part of, they try harder. Excuse me?! Absofuckinglutely NOT! Find a single woman-or a woman that isn't involved. It's just that damn simple--leave me the hell alone! It works the same way with women because I've seen em do that very exact thing. The guy that delivered my furniture tried to use his fake ass charm to reel me in, but I ain't going down that road. It's kind of freaky though, because he has my physical address and phone number from the work order. I don't think he's crazy or anything, but if he was...I'd be up shit's creek!

Anyway, O and I are really doing well. Therefore I don't see anyone else coming into the picture anytime soon. I mean, he is still in Galveston and I know people probably don't understand how we maintain a healthy relationship by me being in Dallas, but guess what? It's not for your ass to understand because it's not your life. We own and will operate this companionship exactly how we choose to regardless of what you or anybody else might think.

I digress...

I'm going home today! So excited. Haven't seen Mama since ummmmm, I guess it's been almost a month now. My uncle is going to be home too so it'll be good to see him since every time I come home, he's off shore. We'll do the usual I guess. He'll cook, we'll play dominoes, get wasted, crack jokes and talk shit. All the fun in the world when you're with the fam! I was gonna go out, but I'm slowly but surely changing my mind by the minute. I think I just wanna hang out with the peeps being that I don't see them on a regular. I could care less about anybody that's gonna be at the club, so HOLLA!

My phone is so busted up! O bought me a new cell and mailed it on Monday. Well, I checked the mail AGAIN today and it's not here. So that means, I have to go home without my new phone when I could've just gotten it from him when I get to G-town. DUH! Oh well. It is what it is now. I've gone this long with this piece of shit, why not another weekend?

Happy Friday!!!! Be safe.

Does the name say a lot?

So today I met a lady named Dionn. She was one of my patients and given the one thing we have in common...Dionn(e)...we connected today. She was so warm and welcoming just like my mama. She had confidence and was not ashamed of her condition, as she is battling an extreme case of scoliosis. Her vibe was as fierce as they come! In the little time I spoke with her, I knew that this woman holds some of the same qualities as the Dionne in my life does. So, I pose this question to you....Do you believe that you become what you are named? When you were named, was that a head start to becoming the person that you are today? I hear people say that there is some truth to that all the time, but I never gave it much thought...until I met Dionn. Now I believe it!

Wait a damn minute...YES I CAN!

Ok, so maybe I make things bigger than they really are sometimes. I worry too damn much and I hate that, but that’s the reality jumping around in my mind. This morning, I was on fire! I couldn’t understand for the life of me why I was being “dumbed down” after having put forth so much effort to complete this project. And I still don’t. But...what I do understand is that everybody operates differently. I do it my way and you do it yours...right? There is no right or wrong...it’s just different. Therefore, when I get my ass chewed out for something I know I did my best to accomplish with diminutive help ...so fucking what!?! Because I did my best! And it’s crazy because my mama gave me a little “pep talk” yesterday when I predicted this whole series of events and I heard what she was saying, I knew it was all true, but still somewhere back in the worrisome pits of my brain, I couldn’t allow myself to feel it. At least not until this afternoon after the job was redone. Not just my way, but the way he (my boss) wanted it to be done. He expressed to me that he’s only hard on his staff because he knows we CAN do it. He saw how stressed I was today and didn’t say one word about him scolding me until I completed my task. Once we jumped that hurdle, he thanked me for putting up with his shit. He didn’t apologize, but he did congratulate me on a job well done and I respect him for that. “That’s my girl” is what he said and told me “good job”. At that point, everything he’d said to me prior to that moment went straight out the door because I felt appreciated for once and that is all I wanted. So at the end of the day, yes my job is very stressful! But...at the end of the next, it’s not worth quitting because...well... what is? And it’s not worth my tears! I’ve learned not to take things so personal with him because that’s just his way of working. So, with that said, please disregard that little blog entitled “I can’t do this” because today proved that yes, I CAN!!! HOLLA!

I can't do this!

WTF?!?!?! I try not to complain...I do! I don't know what the hell is going on with me, but I feel like I cannot do this any longer. My boss is too fucking blunt and demanding. I understand that I have a job to do as everyone does. I do my job and in my opinion, I do it well. I just can't fathom being disrespectful to someone when you know they've worked hard on a project. I busted my ass for this shit and what do I get? A slap in the fucking face. To add fuel to the fire, bitches around here don't want to be of any assistance and that really pisses me off! I'd rather ask a million and one questions and do something right as opposed to just trying to figure it out myself and it be a mess. I mean, come on! I'm trying. I'm about ready to walk up out of this place, never look back, and not think twice about it. Seriously!

First off, I have to say...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREAT GRANDMA!!!! I love you!

So, I went to see my family this past weekend and it felt so good to be there! (as always) I didn't really do too much, but just being in the presence of family is all I needed. Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to see my Grandma as she is still in Louisiana, but I did have a brief telephone conversation with her. I drove to Galveston for the first time since hurricane Ike hit. I knew the island was terribly damaged, but it didn't really hit me until I saw it with my own two eyes. I don't' know that G-Town will ever be the same. My prayers go out to all the families drastically effected by Ike.

Came back to Dallas Sunday evening along with my two crazy cousins. (Tammy and Keyerra) I'm so elated to have company! We've been having fun together cracking jokes, playing dominoes, and just hanging out. I look forward to going home after work now that I know I won't be unaccompanied and sitting around looking crazy.

Ok, so I want to know what happened with Danity Kane. From what I've been reading, the group split. Well allegedly, Aubrey and D-Woods are no longer members, but Dawn, Audrea, and Shannon are. WTF!! I actually liked this group. I hope they are able to settle their differences and reunite for the sake of their fans. I know it's probably hard having a group consisting of 5 females with 5 different personalities, but they seemed to have been getting along so well. I guess it's a different story behind the scenes. I hope Day 26 don't go down this same road because they're an excellent group with an immense amount of talent! Anyway, good luck to them all. I'm sure that which ever one of life's roads they decide to roll down, they'll be just fine. Just dream big and fly high!

That's my O!

I haven't talked much about my boyfriend O on this blog but that doesn't mean he isn't heavily on my mind. When I moved to Dallas, I didn't think our relationship would last and even still, I'm not sure if it will. Nothing is guaranteed, right? Nothing except for change and death. Anyway, one thing that I can say about O is that he is very supportive of me. He treats me with the utmost respect, he's not too jealous, and most importantly, he understands me. Now when I first met O, I didn't think there would be a relationship at all. We were introduced by mutual friends and he wanted to know who "the girl in the green car" was. I didn't really pay him much attention because, frankly, I thought he was ugly. He wasn't someone that I automatically became attracted to upon meeting. My best friend was like, "somebody likes you". I was like, "I don't have time for this. Who is it?" So she told me it was O and immediately I said, "uh, are you serious? He is not cute!'. But, I still ended up hooking up with him anyway. He was real cool. I felt comfortable around him and he was a genuinely nice guy. We ended up having long phone conversations and lunch dates. (We worked at the same hospital) Eventually, I didn't care too much about his looks. As a matter of a fact, I then perceived him as a very handsome guy. To this day, my mom says he looks like he's from Africa, but I don't care, he's sexy to me! One day she told him, "Shut your African looking ass up!" Ha Ha! I fell out laughing. That shit was funny. Anyhoo, O and I have come a long way. We've been dating for over 3 years and we're still going strong. I just hope and pray that the future will bring us closer together (physically) because I'm not feeling the distance between us, yet the love I have for him is too strong to let it tear us apart. I love you O!

It's Not Fair!

There are several stories in the media about the police and how often they use their taser "stun" guns. In many of these cases, the incapacitant weapon is unnecessarily used and as a result, the individual being tasered dies. After learning of how many deaths have been caused by this, I find it very disturbing that law enforcement officers are even still allowed to use the conductive energy device. Now, I completely understand that we have some crazy people in this world, I really do. But, at the same time, I feel as though nobody deserves to be killed, no matter how crazy they are or how terrible the crime committed may be. This is absolutely ridiculous and I am very heated about the issue at hand. On top of that, these police officer's are not receiving the proper consequence in return for what they've done. It pisses me off when people take advantage of the authority they have and try to use it to justify their actions. Why aren't these series of events being reported in the mainstream media? This is definitely something that needs to be adressed so we as a people can stand up and do something about it. I don't want to know who Mariah Carey married, how much money 50 Cent makes, or who is wearing what on the red carpet! In my opinion, those things have no importance, what-so-ever. Not when we have more serious issues to direct our attention to.

Today Was a Good Day

I feel so much better today. Yesterday was a terrible day for me and I've now come to a realization that I need to make a doctor's appointment regarding my anxiety. Otherwise, it will only get worse and I'm not even trying to go out like that! All along, I was thinking "this is something I can fix myself, I don't need a doctor" but after experiencing those feelings yesterday, I'm pretty sure I was wrong about that. I'm very grateful to have so much support from my mother and my bff. They are truly blessings and I cannot stress that enough.

Today was very productive for me. I had a conversation with every single patient that walked into our clinic. (only because I had to, but I still did it) And I did it without having any anxiety attacks. So, as you can see, some days are much better than others. I'm not sure what triggers all of the negative feelings I get some days, but I guess that's what the docs are for. So, my next step in the process of anxiety ass kickin, is right into one of their offices. Holla

I just don't know

I try to be a strong person...I really do! But where does strength come from? I don't understand how my mama does it. She's always been a strong woman and I've never seen her break. NEVER! No matter what goes on in her life, she always remains strong with her head held high. She doesn't complain, I can't recall ever seeing her cry, and she always finds a way to get through no matter how challenging it may seem. I wish I could be like her. I'm just about ready to get out of here! Don't get me wrong, I love my job and am very grateful for it. And I do realize that I am truly blessed to have it. I just don't think I'm strong enough to be here alone. I am trying to build a new life here, but I feel as though I have no life. I don't go out. I don't socialize with anyone. I cry a lot. Sometimes I get so depressed, my heart literally hurts. I'm lonely! People tell me all the time, "Girl, you got it good!" And I try to drill that in my head, but it's just not working for me. My social anxiety is taking over my life and I don't know what to do. I used to be able to hide it from people, but it's getting worse and worse by the day and I'm about to go crazy. Most of the time I don't even want to leave my house. I can't do most of the things others take for granted. Simple things like going to the grocery store, or the mall, or anywhere for that matter. I have panic attacks when I'm around lots of people. I start to shake. I don't want to speak because I feel as though I'm going to say something stupid. Everyone at my job is very close to each other and I feel like they think I'm weird because I don't say to much to them. It's not because I don't like them, it's just because I don't know what to say. My mind goes blank a lot and I start to feel dumb. I'm not blogging about this for anyone to feel sorry for me at all. Hell, I don't even expect for anybody to understand. I don't want a pitty party, I just wish I were normal. Here I am a 25 year old woman and I can't maintain. I'm so co-dependant upon my family and I know it shouldn't be that way, but it is. I don't know how to live in a huge city like Dallas. It's very overwhelming for me. I was trying to handle this situation on my own, but I'm not succeeding. I just don't know what to do and I'm getting to a point where I don't even want to live anymore...I desperately need help.

Nobody Like You

I never had a friend quite like you.
Nobody I could trust enough to tell all my business to.
Nobody to call upon in my desperate times of need.
Nobody to sneak out the house with to smoke that good weed.
I never had a friend as loyal and as sincere as you.
Nobody that understands me and that I understand too.
Friends since kindergarten, remember the yellow class?
Yeah, I was transferred to the red, you had to stay with the bad asses!
Remember going to the dances at the boys and girls club?
We’d get dropped of on the corner because,
“Can’t nobody see us on the back of this truck!”
Or what about recording ourselves singing “If I Ever Fall In Love”?
We never got through the whole song cause we laughed too damn much.
How about that time we snuck to New Orleans, just you and me?
We had so much fun playing retarded bingo didn’t we?
You are the realist friend a person could ever ask for.
I’m Thelma and you’re Louise, who could possibly want more?
No matter what we went through, you always stayed the same.
I now know the meaning of true friends, and for that you’re the one to blame.
You’re funny, you’re honest, and you never placed judgment on me.
All these things I appreciate, so I’m grateful God allowed us to meet.
Without you as my friend, I don’t know where in life I’d be.
So, you keep dotting my I’s and I’ll keep crossing your T’s.
Agreed?

30 Thoughts

1. I love baby's.

2. Marriage is so overrated.

3. I hate my knees.

4. So I don't wear shorts.

5. Potato soup from Panera Bread is the best.

6. How do you know when you're in love?

7. Can some one's standards be to high?

8. I mean, you want what you want right?

9. Heaven by Jamie Foxx is my new favorite song. Oldie but goodie.

10. Is a woman's intuition usually right?

11. If not, is that insecurity?

12. I want a time machine for Christmas!

13. Just take me back to '98.

14. I don't have a lot of friends.

15. Because I choose not to.

16. My family is the bomb!

17. I get distracted very easily.

18. I cried yesterday.

19. Don't ask why...none of your bizz!

20. I finally expressed my true feelings last night!

21. Liver is the most disgusting meat I've ever eaten.

22. Chicken is the best.

23. I watch "The Hills". My guilty pleasure.

24. I love to sing...just can't do it well.

25. Why was I in such a rush to grow up?

26. I don't believe in the death sentence.

27. No exceptions.

28. I have a secret crush. Shhh!

29. I hate when people stand over my shoulder.

30. Is a long distant relationship worth it?

Do Your Job!

I told ya'll I would not get along with the staff in the office of my apartment complex. I already knew. Previously I blogged about my new apartment (apartment blues) and I mentioned the raggedy, out-dated refrigerator. Yeah, the ICE BOX! Well, it passed on to ice box heaven Sunday night. I went to get something to drink Monday morning as I was getting ready for work, as always and my tea was room temp, so I knew something wasn't right. I checked the freezer and sure enough, it wasn't on. I had a freezer full of meat and other stuff, so letting it spoil was not an option. I immediately called the office to inform them of my contingency. At this time it's umm, about 6:45 or so. I knew I'd get the voicemail because they don't open until 8:00, but I was fine with that. I just wanted to make sure I reported it right away. At about 8:45, I follow-up with them to see if they'd gotten my message and if they did what the status of my work order was. I cannot get through. Nobody answers for at least 5 hours! (lazy asses) So, I send my little cousin down there to tell them in person since they won't answer, but I still keep trying to call. They put the order in. Once I do speak with someone, she proceeds to tell me that a work order has been placed and she cannot give me anymore information on the status. I'm trying to be nice, but I can feel myself getting mad. I say, "I need to know something because I have food in my refrigerator that will go bad if it's not repaired today." Here she is, "Well, ma'am I understand, but there is nothing I can do. I called the maintenance guys and they will be out as soon as they can." And she said that with some attitude! Now, she could've given me some more information. If she was doing her job, she'd know how many work orders were already out and which one's were being taken care of now. If she was doing what the fuck she was supposed to be doing, my work order would've been placed first thing in the morning. I just let her cross-eyed ass know. Look, if my food goes bad, somebody is going to reimburse me for it! I pay rent for these services, so if I call, I expect somebody to pick up the phone. If I place a work order, especially an emergency one, I need somebody out to fix it ASAP. Not when you feel like you want to tell them. This is not the first time I've been dissatisfied with your service and if I'm going to be paying you rent every month, ya'll need to make some changes in that office because this is just ridiculous. I understand that people get busy. I do...because I can get swamped on my job as well. But, it's one thing to be extremely busy and another to be lazy and let work pile up because you don't feel like it. Get it together! I can guarantee Alicia will come out again on these people! To end this long story (because I'm definitely not making it short), I got a brand new refrigerator at about 3pm that day. However, had I not gone off on that cross eyed fool, who knows how long it would've taken.

Just as Trifling as They Come!

Ok, not all men are full of shit, but the majority definitely are! Attn: MEN! If you see a woman that you may be interested in, please do not honk your horn! Don't say, "yo baby, yo baby, yo". Don't say "damn you fine". These are all signs of a no good, nothing ass brotha! I mean, come on now. If you don't know how to approach a woman with the appropriate mannerism, I suggest you keep it moving and find a hood rat or a hoe to pursue. I was driving back to my office after attending a health fair. Upon my arrival at a red light, some guy honks his horn out of nowhere. Naturally, I turned my head thinking maybe I know this person. He proceeds to roll his window down talking about, "yo what's up baby". Uh uh! Are you serious? First of all, you are driving a raggedy, 1947, squeaky pinto on some 20 inch rims. I almost choked from the smoke escaping the pipes in your car before I stopped. Your shirt was buttoned 1/2 way up and your taco meat was hanging all out for the world to see. That is not a good look pimp. I didn't want to be rude, but I sure wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of thinking he was getting somewhere, because clearly he was not! I gave him a fake smile and dialed my voicemail on my phone so I could pretend to be pre-occupied and not seem like I was ignoring him intentionally. He honks again so I look over and he's making hand gestures trying to hint around to me giving him my phone number. I don't think so playa! Sitcho ass down somewhere. I'm sure there is some woman out there for you, but I am definitely not the one. Men, this is the prime example of what not to do when you see someone of interest.

Anyway, TGIF ya'll! Have a great weekend :)

Aftermath of Ike

So, as you all probably know, hurricane Ike tore Galveston up! As of today, Galveston still has no electricity and it's been a week. Fortunately, Mama (north of Galveston) does have power now but she was out for 5 days. I actually went to my mom's house to ride the storm out with my family. Yeah, I know. You're probably thinking what the hell is wrong with her? Why would she go meet a storm projected to be deadly? I really don't have an answer to that question. All I know is that my entire family was at my mother's house ready and willing to face Ike. I wanted to be with them. I figured if something happened to us, at least we'd be together. You're reading this blog now so you know I'm still breathing. Although the storm was very intense, nobody got hurt. There was a little damage to my mom's house, but nothing extreme. On the contrary, my grandmother and a friend of my boyfriend's lost everything. A few other people I know have lost their belongings as well.

My brother never evacuated Galveston, but he's not hurt. He was able to sneak past the guards and get on the phone while in jail to call me and make sure we were okay. He said they were feeding them sandwiches and they hadn't had power or water since the storm hit. I know it's a bunch of funky dicks in that jail house!

My uncle and a few friends came up to Dallas and stayed at my crib. We actually had a great time considering the fact that I only have a one bedroom apartment and it contained 9 people for almost a week. Yeah, it was a bus load of us, but we made it work.

I'm not sure when Galveston will be livable again, but it doesn't seem as if it will be anytime soon. After seeing the news, it doesn't look like it will ever be the same. Guess time will tell.

Ike coming thru....get the hell outta dodge!

Well, because of hurricane Ike, Galveston was issued a mandatory evacuation today. My mama lives about 20 miles north so she isn't going anywhere. Some of my other family members are going to her house today and they're just going to hang out I guess. Have a hurricane party or something...I dunno! I think everybody is tired of this hurricane evacuation mess. I know this may sound crazy, but I wish I were there. It's times like this that I long to be with my family. I knew I'd miss them when I moved, but I didn't think I'd miss them this much. My uncle did call to say he might drive up with his daughter this weekend and my God-brother is coming up today as well. But, I don't know if I want him all up in my apartment like that. Last time he came to Dallas, he pissed me off with that free loading shit. Now, I got to be hiding my shit just so he won't use it all because I know he's going to bring 50 loads of clothes to wash! And ain't gonna even make one attempt to replace my shit. Anyhoo, it's still going to be good to see him. I wonder what they're doing with the people in the county jail. I mean, I know they committed a crime, but shouldn't they be evacuating as well? They don't deserve to stay there. My little brother is in there so they better do something! I know we're supposed to have some bad weather from this storm in Dallas too. Tornado watches, flooding, and high winds. People please be safe in that weather out there! If you are in the storms path, I pray that you and your family are guided to a safe environment and your homes are not damaged in any form. God Bless!

9/11

I was in college algebra at GC and everything was going according to planned. In the middle of class my instructor says, "Class is dismissed due to the terrible events going on in New York at this time." I was so happy to depart class, I didn't even ask what he was referring to. I packed my stuff into my pink Jansport, hit the door, and walked to my boyfriend's (at the time) house. (If you want a better understanding of who I'm speaking of, please see the blog entitled "Fake Ass"). So, I get there and once I enter, the news is on and every one's eyes are glued to the television. When I hear of the events taking place, it seems as if this is a horrible, horrible joke. I tried to weigh out the possiblities. A terrible accident is what this has to be. Yeah, that's it. But as I watched the second plane take action, I knew. America was under attack. This cannot possibly be happening...You only see stuff like this in movies or maybe in a different country, but not in America! Is this really, really happening, I thought. No, this can't be happening to us. The United States is invincible. But, sure enough it was happening. The rug of skepticism swept from under my feet and I realized that this was something very serious. This was REAL! As the day went on, the news displayed coverage of this tragedy continuously. You saw footage of the planes crashing, suffocating smoke for days, people covered in ashes running for their lives and even jumping from the flaming buildings to their deaths. The entire country was in complete awe. Nobody knew what to do nor what to expect. Who would do such a cruel thing and why did they hate us so? I immediately began to think of all the people trapped in these airplanes and buildings. Where are their families? What really happened on these planes? Did the passengers ever learn to know what was going on, or did they assume they'd be landing safely at their planned destinations? If they did know, did they try to reprimand the hijackers? Where was these hijackers' humanity? Didn't they see the concern and helplessness in these people's eyes? Did they really come to grips with what they were about to take part in? How long ago had this been planned? How could security allow anyone to get through with weapons? What were the people that were denied evacuation of the WTC because they were on the floors above the impact zone thinking? What did they do? Did they call a loved one? Did they pray? Panic? These terrorists changed our country forever. How could they? I still just can't bring myself to understand...

I digress. Happy Birthday Kendolynn and Justin.

HBD

Happy Birthday Kenya!

Why?

Why don't the stars shine all night?
Or the grass grow in the sky?
Why does the sun shine so bright?
Why can't people have wings and fly?
Why are the mountains so still?
And if I sat on a cloud would I fall?
If it wasn't for school would we learn anything at all?
Why doesn't rain come from the earth?
And why can't people speak from birth?
Why do we have ears when nobody wants to listen?
Why are prophets the only ones with visions?
Why do we all have different times to die?
And why do we need tears to cry?
Why do people have to starve when there are people who are so full?
And why does love have so many damn rules?
Why do we have eyes in the world that can not see?
Why can’t someone be laying right here next to me?
Hmm, I guess my wonders will remain a mystery.

Hurricane Harbor

So, I was watching the news this morning and noticed that Hurricane Ike is headed straight for Galveston! I don't think they've been assigned evacuation thus far, but if this hurricane stays within it's predicted path, they will need to do something! I'm going to keep watching news updates to see what the hell is going on...

old skool jamz

If you haven't gone to http://www.throwbacksongs.com then you've got to get there now! I'm telling you-with every song you hear, your mind will drift away to some point in your life that you can reminisce about. The good ol' days! The days when we had a cool cup lady...Saturday morning cartoons (the smurfs & woody woodpecker)...hide and seek...cut the cake...mama may I?...red light green light...hyper-color T-Shirts...record players...BK's and Elise tennis shoes...slap bracelets...popcorn balls...a family member with a "box"...Nintendo...hot combs...easy bake ovens...clothes lines...monkey bars...when a flood meant it was time to take a swim...the A's baseball games...Penny Saver's...free lunch...light bright...def comedy jam...double dare...slinkys...hammer pants...Genera...Jellys...I can go on and on and on! Just go to the site! I promise you'll love love love it!

Democratic Take Over!

I told you to sitcho ass down Mc. Cain! You got boo'd Apollo style last night. PRICELESS! That was very shocking to me. You would think that everyone in the RNC would be supportive of Mc. Cain right? It was the Republican National Convention. I mean, that's how it went down for my man, Mr. Barack Obama at the DNC. He didn't have any protesters. But that's because he keeps it real and he is sincere when he emphasizes on the change he will make in this country. Mc. Cain is full of infected scrotum. No lie! But you know what? He had it coming to him because I feel like this-If you consistently criticize someone and steadily knock them down to boost yourself, you are bound for failure. Don't tell me what Barack Obama cannot do for this country...tell me what you CAN do! Obviously you can't do anything...nada....zip....zero....SHIT! Because if you could, you would've given me the heads up. To me this whole politics situation is like a game of monopoly. If you win fair and square...cool beans... But, if you win and you've stolen money and property during the process, you haven't won a got damn thang! Well, technically you've won, but morally you haven't and you should feel like shit! You are not worthy of victory...point, blank, period. With that said...big ups to Barack! Keep doing your thang. We got this in the bank!

So True

When you have a setback, don't step back, because God is preparing you for an ultimate comeback!

Random Swag

Thank GOD for my mama and my aunt! Without them, I'd be up shit's creek right now...for real! They came to my rescue immediately. Big ups to my Mama and Aunt Ros! I love ya'll...

I don't really have much to say today. This blog is just random. I slept really good last night. I was in bed by 9:30 and I actually woke up when my alarm clock went off, which by the way, never happens. I always have to sleep an extra 5 to 20 minutes every morning...depending on how I feel. Any hoo, I'm at work and clinic is running awfully slow today. Ya'll know what that means...the day is going to dawdle! It's only 9:36 and I already feel like I've been here all day.

Ok, why do people call your phone and if you don't answer, they call right back private? What the hell is that? Muthafucka, I know that is you. If I wanted to talk to yo ass, I would've picked up the first time. Don't play! Sitcho ass down... If you know me, you already know that I will turn my phone on silent in a New York minute and not think twice about it. If you aren't my mama, yo ass can wait until I feel like being bothered. Don't call me and say "what you doing?". No, what the fuck do you want?! I'm not trying to be mean or anything, because if you are calling me for a reason, I don't have a problem with that. But if you call me to breathe on the phone, that's a different story. Don't do that. PLEASE! I don't wanna see who can breathe the loudest! I don't have the time nor minutes for that shit. And stop sending me forwards on my cell phone talking bout, "If you love Jesus, prove it and send this to 10 ppl." I know I love Jesus and I don't have to prove it to you or your mama or anybody else for that matter. I will not have good luck and my phone will not ring in 5 minutes if I forward that stupid chain letter shit. Stop sending me that shit! I do not have unlimited text messaging and I do believe I was the last/only person to pay my phone bill. Do not text and ask what I'm doing! I'm not about to type a whole damn conversation in a text message! Come now! You should know this already. Why people? WHY???

Well that's all I got. Just some random swag....

quote

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Weekend

I had the best time this weekend! That drive back from Dallas wasn't the business, but the rest of the weekend was straight! Friday night a very good friend of the family (guess you could say cousin) had a birthday party. We played dominoes, drank, ate, and drank some more! Real quick though, before I go any further, I must address this.

Ok, why the hell do people feel the need to fake like they are sick or hurt in some way? How about a certain somebody (I ain't gon say no names or point no fingers, but you know who you are) came to the party walking on a damn cane! First of all, it matched her outfit ya'll (LMAO), plus she was "dropping it like it was hot" 30 minutes after she made her grand entrance limping and shit! Who the fuck does that?! Talking about she tore her MCL...SITCHO ASS DOWN!!! Ain't a got damn thang wrong with you and I know this because it NEVER is when you complain. You just want attention as always. Remember when you lied and said your toes were broke because somebody ran over them with a car? You should already know ain't nobody gonna take your ass serious after you pulled that shit! LOL... Anyway, that's a whole different blog I really don't have the energy to write about because I'd tear this keyboard up. So, that's enough of that.

So, Saturday my uncle and his classmates (c/o 1992) had a little gathering at Bourderaux restaurant. If you're from the Houston area, you know what I'm talking about. They have cajun-style food thats umm umm good! I mean, it's bucklin! Anyway, we drank again. Long Island Iced Tea-you are my friend to the end! It was a really nice time. Afterward, Bourbon Street is where our drunkiness led us. A lil hole-in-the-wall club. One of those clubs where you know every single person when you walk in. The B.Y.O.B club with the ice bucket in the middle of the table. Yep! That's the one...you know what I'm talking about! But all in all, I had a hell of a good time. I danced, mingled with the people and went off on a few guys because they asked me to buy their beer! Are you serious? If you don't get out of my face and sitcho ass down somewhere with yo broke, fake Gucci print unit you got from the flea market, funk nasty breath, wanna be thug ass! Are you serious?! Talking about you buy mine and I'll buy the next. PLEASE! We ended up leaving there early and by that time I was DONE!

Sunday was chill. I slept pretty much all day. I had a bad toothache and made the mistake of taking Vicoden. I was knocked the hell out! I ended up missing my friends solo at church and everything. I'll have to catch the next one cause I really did want to go, but at 8:00am, I was dead to the world. Anyway, that's all I got for now.

HOLLA!

I LOVE ME SOME HIM

Heeey! Hoooh! Heeey! Hoooh! It's Friday! TGIF. So, as you probably already predicted, I'm going home again. My uncle came in last night so I'm going to ride home with him today, then fly back to Dallas. I'm pretty excited...I get to see my mama! Plus, my best friend is singing her first solo at her church on Sunday, so I want to make sure I don't miss it...

So I know ya'll saw Mr. Barack Obama last night. Ain't he fine as hell?! Don't play, I know I wasn't the only one looking. I mean, that man is the straight up business. Michelle was very beautiful too, as always. They just make such a perfect couple. So much love and support...it's sick! His speech was tear jerking, for real. He said what he meant, and he meant what he said. Didn't sugar coat anything for anybody. I mean, I don't know how any human being could be able to watch that speech and not feel the compassion, love, and proudness this man possesses for our country. If you couldn't feel that, something is wrong with yo ass. He is the epitome of what a black Christian, father, husband, role-model, and citizen should be. He literally wears his heart on his sleeve. He exudes the qualities, dedication, confidence, class, and passion that all Presidents should have, or should've had. And to put the icing on the cake, he's making HISTORY all the while. Showing little black children that they too can do whatever they feel they are destined to do. Making our ancestors proud! Therefore, Mr. Barack Obama, you have my vote in the bank because you did that! Sitcho ass down Mc Cain!

The UNKNOWN

Sometimes I would cry and have no clue as to why.
My heart ached from the unknown pain I felt inside.
I wondered where it was coming from?
I was oh so confused.
How could I feel so much sorrow,
When there was really no feelings at all?
People portrayed me as a happy cheerful person,
But in my heart, I knew I wasn't.
I put on a face that was all fake.
Hiding behind the true depressed soul,
That was deep within me waiting to be set free.
Free from the unknown pain and sorrow that comes from A.......PLACE.....CALLED.....NOWHERE.
I felt like I was trapped inside of my own self.
I couldn't breathe with all those feelings and emotions.
One minute I'd be sad, the next minute happy,
Then mad, then cheery, but never any consistancy.
So in order 4 me to survive and set myself free,
I had to escape from the unknown pain that lived within me.

Kroger's

Ya'll know ya'll wrong for selling me that spoiled ass chicken! Ya'll knew that shit wasn't good, that's why ya'll had it on "Manager's Special"! So, I'm putting ya'll on blast right now. People, if you shop at Kroger's, DO NOT BUY MEAT! Especially, the "manager's special". That ain't no damn special, that's an illness in disguise. Now, I ain't saying all the Kroger's have bad meat, I'm just sayin, check that shit first! Especially in the DFW area. I'm so dissapointed in Kroger's. I was gonna do all my grocery shopping there since it's literally up the street. Well, ya'll can sit ya'll asses down now, cause that shit will not be happening. Ya'll just lost a new customer....Let's get it together!

quote

our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become...

BURL

I really miss my little brother. He's been heavily on my mind lately and before I relocated to Dallas, I didn't really make it my business to see him much, but I guess I just took that opportunity for granted. He isn't my biological brother, but the love I possess for him seems as that of someone genetically connected to me. He's 4 years younger than I am and when I first met him, I didn't really like him at all...matter of a fact, I loathingly envied him. Only at first though. My mama would go out of her way for him and he didn't really seem to appreciate it at all. He would act out, fight, run away...man, he was bad as hell! So, I was like, who the hell is he to come up in here and start getting most of the attention that was always directed to me? I mean I was the only child all my life and he didn't come into it until I was maybe 16, so I had a right to feel that way, or at the time I thought I did anyway. Only until I began to understand him as a person and realize all he'd gone through is when I started to accept him and really, genuinely love him. You see, my little brother came from a poverty stricken neighborhood and family. Drugs, violence, neglect, sex, etc. You know, the usual in these types of neighborhoods but for him, it was all up and through his immediate family as well. Although, I grew up around most of these things too, it didn't affect me as much because I was never neglected. I always had love and support from my family. Something my little brother longed for and searched for in the streets. When he entered our home, it took a very long time for him to open up. But, once he did, I began to realize that he wasn't such a bad person after all. He was actually very sensitive at heart. I can remember having to pick him up from his alternative school every day which was about 20 minutes away from where we lived. In the beginning, we wouldn't say all of two words to each other. It was so awkward. But as time progressed, we began to talk more and more each time. We started to play video games together, watch basketball, listen to music, and go places that we normally wouldn't go together if we didn't have to, like the grocery store or whatever the situation was...he'd want to ride with me and I also wanted his company. He was the little brother I never had and it felt really good to be the oldest and not the only for a change. Unfortunately he ended up running the streets more and more and is now incarcerated. Hopefully he'll get his act together once he's out and will realize that he too can live a much healthier lifestyle and not go in the wrong direction because that's how he was brought up. I know he has potential, he'll just have to learn the hard way. If he ever reads this blog, I want him to know that I love him very much and always will. Even if he doesn't read, he knows. That's my brother! BURL is what they call him.

quote

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

unknown

Apartment Blues

FINALLY! I'm all moved in. All that's left to do now is unpack. But you know what? I see now that me and the property staff will not get along very well at all. First of all, why do they have a damn 'out of office' sign up every single time I go there? The first time, I fell for it because they could very well be out showing property or something, but then, after a few more times, I said to myself "what the hell?!" I know they asses can't be this busy all the damn time. So, I go back and sure enough that big ass sign is up again. You know I'm pissed at this point, because I need to move my shit! Just give me my fucking key so I can move because at this point, I wanna fuck you up right now cause you playing with my emotions....I know that ain't too much to ask. Once I saw that sign, I creeped around the bushes on they asses and looked through the windows of the break room. How about every single person working in that office was in there chilling like they in the comfort of their own fucking home. WTF!!!! Laughing and giggling and just livin la vida loca! Get your lazy ass up and do your job, or I'm gonna bust a move on some damn body! This don't make no damn sense what-so-ever. Please excuse my french, but I do believe you agreed to and were aware of the content of this blog before entering.

Anyway, I get my key and all is going well as I'm moving, until I did the walk-thru. Uh, where's the hot water? Why are all these fucking holes in my walls? And I thought I moved out of Cedar Terrace a long time ago...what's up with this refrigerator? That ain't no refrigerator, that's definitely an ICE BOX! And on top of that, I got a nosey ass neighbor downstairs from me. Everytime I come outside I see her ass either peeping through the door or outside sweeping nothing but air. Don't shit be on that ground, so why the hell do you feel the need to bring your big head ass outside trying to be all up in my business. Sitcho ass down! PLEASE! Let me see, what else? I think that's it for now. My hot water finally did start to work, but this better not be an ongoing problem, or else all hell is gonna break loose. I'll give an update later as to how these lazy bitches gonna handle these problems. They better it get together or else they will hate me cause I have a feeling I'm gonna stay in they shit. Let's get it right people!

No Fear

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game!

Stop whining

People, if you have no job and are making not one attept to get one, please stop whining and complaining about how much you're struggling. Don't get a job then quit the next day because you don't like it. You don't like it because you want to get high and ride around all day. Come on now! Get it together. Or, you'll quit because you feel like you ain't getting paid enough or you aren't "just gonna settle". What the hell do you mean? You don't have a fucking job! Anything is better than zero, so take what you can get and make it work. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I am in no way placing judgments on anyone, I'm merely stating that fact that complacency is not an option (at least not for me, and it shouldn't be for another). On top of that, I care enough about you to even give two fucks about it or I wouldn't waste my time on this blog. Stop saying, "man, I need a job", "man, I'm broke". Then you don't look. Go get a fucking job! The word today is JOB! J.O.B. That's what people do...WORK! Companies will not be ringing your phone off the hook to beg you to work for them when all they gonna get is a bunch of call-ins and excuses. It's funny to me how some as black people always make some rediculous excuse as to why they can't get hired, such as "I have no experience", or "I can't work those hours because the club gonna be crunk". Sitcho ass down! Are you serious? Fuck the club. They aren't going anywhere. Please believe you will not be missing anything...nothing but your opportunity to get the hell out of dodge and make a life for yourself. Don't get me wrong, I like to go out from time to time too, but my life does not revolve around it.
And because I've expressed this to people so much and they don't listen (or get an attitude)... I had to blog about it! I still love 'em though.

A Mother's Love (breathtaking)

I would never let a tear fall from your eye
Cause everything you are to me, ohh I could never let you hurt inside
You mean so much, and I'm so thankful that you're in my life
And I appreciate your love and all of your sacrifice
Without you by my side, I could never survive
I wouldn't be the woman standin' here before your eyes
You taught me strength and you gave me guidance
Whenever faith was lost, you were there to find it
And all because a mother's love is unconditional
With all my heart and all my soul, I wanna let you know
That I thank you, and I love you
And would never place anyone above you
You have given me life, and I just want you to know
That you're the reason I'm here today
I will never let go of everything that we share
And nothing, I mean NOTHING could ever compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you, listen to what I'm sayin'
See, I've been blessed to be raised by a woman so strong
Cause even when I did things wrong
You would show me just the way that I should carry on
You kept me safe, and you protected me with all you had
And any time I was in need you always gave your last
Again, without you by my side, I never could survive
And I wouldn't be the woman standing here before your eyes
I remember wakin' up early Monday morning
"Five more minutes" is what I'd mumble
With my new jeans, fresh shirt, and Polo boots with the buckle
I’d drop you off at work, and you’d say “you bet not be late!”
You were always there to take all of my fear away
And when he broke my heart, you said it was his lost
And not to think about, "you are so much better off”
Remember when I didn’t believe that I was ever gonna make it
You said "it's yours, and all you gotta do is go and take it"
So here I am, finding my way, thanking you every step of the way.
My Mama...My heart...A love like no other..Absolutely Breathtaking!

Ashanti

Quote

"God gave people a mouth that closes and ears that don't, which should tell us something."

unknown

Speeding in the Fast Lane...Pedal to tha Flo Mane!

Ok, ok!! So I lied. I really wasn't gonna do anything but stay home and pack this weekend. However, the highway was calling my name and I heard it loud and clear. I guess you could say I packed...packed a suitcase with weekend gear and moved five hours away for the weekend. I wanted my mama! Nonetheless, it always feels good to be back home. My birthday was cool. (shout outs to Meagan, Kennedy, and Malcolm!) The family got together at my uncle's house. (the ultimate party-til-the-cops-come-knockin uncle) We played spades, dominoes, and talked shit...that's how we roll! I didn't end up leaving for Dallas until almost 11:00 last night, got in around 4:45, then had to be to work this morning. So, you already know...ya girl is tired as hell! Still can't really get to much rest cause I gotta pack (for real this time) to move tomorrow. My cousins came back with me so it won't take much time at all.

Man I need a serious edge up! FOR REAL...

Quote

Don't wait until everyting is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.

Mark Victor Hansen

Where are you Friday?

I've decided to stay in Dallas this weekend. Sunday is my birthday, but I'm not doing anything special. Since I'm moving next week, I want to focus on getting packed and moved as soon as possible, plus I don't have extra money for a trip. I will definitely be going to my hometown to see my family for Labor Day. That's best anyway because I'll get to stay for three days instead of two. Don't you hate moving? I do to, that's why I want to hurry up and get it over with.

OK, we have new offices. You'd think that's great wouldn't you? WRONG ANSWER! First of all, our desks look like boards on stilts. Imagine that! They are temporary desks, but we don't get our real furniture until a month from now due to the stupid company's lack of planning. So, I'm working out of boxes, can't find my stuff, and have to deal with people coming in and out wanting me to transform into a tour guide and show them the full build out like it's on display. People, I can't work with all these distractions. Go find some work to do and leave me alone. (that may be mean, but I don't care...it's the truth) On top of that, all the new doors have locks, but nobody left us keys. What kind of damn sense does that make? Not common...that's for damn sure! Anyway, let me stop complaining...some people don't even have a job.

Family Affair

Since I moved away from my family 3 months ago, I've realized how much they ALL mean to me. I've always loved them, but now I understand why family should get 2nd place in life's marathon. (God is the winner of course) Although it comes natural to love family, it's an unexplained love. Unconditional. I love them all equally but in different ways. In addition, I learn from them all. Even the children. When I was younger, I always wanted to be with friends. Some were real friends and some were "frienemys". My term for fake wanna-be friends. A friend and enemy all in one. At the time, I felt like they understood me more and I trusted them but boy was I wrong. I now get the picture and this is how I visualize it. Friends come and go, so does money, clothes, boyfriends & even husbands, etc. But Family is always there. They help no matter how arduous the struggle. They are not fake, they aren't there to benefit themselves, they tell it like it is (keep it 100), and-most importantly-they LOVE. Just the same love you have for them, you better believe they have it for you too. And it's genuine. Friends are important in life as well, but choose them never over your family, but sensibly. Spend more time with your family if you haven't been. Have family cook-outs, reunions, holiday parties, birthday celebrations, or "just because" parties. Always help them when in need and love on them like no other. Now that's the business!

Today's Quote

The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created - created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination.

Deborah James

To My Unborn Child

Even though I’ve never met you
I miss you oh so much
What is your name?
What do you smell like?
How soft is your touch?
How much do you weigh?
What’s your favorite color?
These questions, I ask everyday
Regret is an understatement
Self hatred may sum it up
Please forgive me, my child
I was just young and dumb
Believe me when I say I love you
And adore you to say the least
My unborn child, you have done nothing wrong
If I could I’d change my mind for your heartbeat.
God spoke to my heart and showed how much it hurts
To see his precious child treated like mere dirt.
So, let’s work together...just you and me.
You be my guide and I’ll speak the words
Let’s show people how painful abortion can really be.
Please don't be scared or feel lonely without me,
Both Grandfather & Great-Grandmother are with you,
They'll always be there until we finally meet.

I love you and will never forget...

Tattoo Turmoil

I'm getting another tattoo. I don't know exactly what I want, but I know it will be in association with My Grandmother. Maybe her name designed really pretty, or an angel with her initials. I don't know yet. I also want to get my deceased uncle's name (existing tattoo) filled in. Not that I don't like how it looks now, I just think it could be a little thicker. People please stop judging others if they have tattoos, or for any other reason. If you were thinking "why is she doing that to her body?" while reading the first few sentences of this blog, then I'm speaking directly to you. I understand if you are opposed to it, but how can you object to it for someone else? I do what works for me, not you, and I'm sure you do the same. I know not to get something that's inappropriate for the work environment and screams "Hey, look at me!" when I walk into a room. For those of you who do have tattoos like that, more power. I, personally wouldn't do it, but as previously mentioned, you do you and I'll do me. So, people can miss me with all the judgements. I do believe that act is for the Man far beyond the skies, and only him so move around...find something else to do with your time. Puh-Leese! My brief conversation with a co-worker about tattoos is my inspiration for this blog.

I digress, any suggestions on a design?

Today's Quote

A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn.

Evaluation

I had my 90 day review on my new job today and, I must say, it went quite well. My boss had great things to say about me and told me I'm doing an excellent job. I didn't get a raise, but that's still a good start. Hopefully there will be greater things to come! I've decided to set personal goals for myself so I can remain a very efficient worker. Otherwise, I'll procrastinate (as I always do) and won't be able to put 100% into each project. We'll see how that works out.
HOLLA!

Bourbon Street

My birthday is this Sunday and I'm not sure what I'm getting into. I wanted to do something as simple as a nice dinner and some drinks. Now, my aunt wants to go to New Orleans (she loves to gamble). I haven't been back there since before Hurricane Katrina and don't really know what to expect. My friends and I used to drive there all the time for the weekend and we'd have "oh so much" fun! Dancing to the catchy beats of the bands, drinking 40 oz. margaritas (or whatever liquor we had), singing and parading down Bourbon Street, and eating that good ol' New Orleans cooking! Man! Those were the days. I love that place, but I'm thinking that if I go now, it won't be the same. I'm thinking I'll go anyway. If I'm with my family, I know I'll have fun regardless.

Rest in Peace...

I see in the news that Bernie Mac has officially passed on. This really saddens me, but I understand that this point has to come for us all. Rest in Peace Mr. Bernie Mac! You are no longer in pain and you're free from this cruel, harsh world. The storm is over for you now so enjoy your new home. My prayers go out to your family. One...

My Favorite Girl

When I'll never again see you to wave hello or goodbye
I know it'll make me sad and make me wanna cry,
When I want to hear your voice and I reach for the phone
I realize you're with GOD on a journey you must travel alone,
When I need your advise so terribly it makes me wanna scream
Please Grandmother, come and talk to me at night while I dream,
Your graciousness and elegance were always maintained
The faith you possessed is what keeps me sustained,
You helped raised me your way to do and say what I feel
May not always be right but it'll always be real,
You were my favorite girl, GOD made you like no other
I know you were put here just to be My Grandmother,
'Lil country girl from Bernice, skinny legs and talkin' sassy
Grew up to be a woman so regal and so classy,
My heart is truly broken, longing for your voice, hug and kiss
Remember watching cooking shows and having evening talks,
All these things I miss,
As I travel everyday my steps seem so, so heavy
I know that I must serve the LORD so I too can be ready,
Grandmother, I really miss you more than words can explain
When I look at the stars tonight I hope to hear you call my name,
I'll shed some tears, I'll love my mom, my family, my daughter, and continue on with life.
The LORD giveth and the LORD taketh, 'cause he took the love of my life.
It's been pretty hard living without you and you knew this would be all along
That's why you make sure I see the clock every morning at 6:22,
The day God called you home.
I'll love you always and forever
I'll remember your smile, warm heart, your beautiful face and your presence.
You, my dear...will forever be in my heart!!!

Fake ass!

Why the hell do people pretend to be something they're not? I don't know either, but they know they need to stop! My ex-boyfriend is a trip...First of all, let me give you a little history. We dated in high school. A lot of people didn't like him in school, but I thought he was cool. We had intellectual conversations, hung out with "the click", went to all the parties...etc. He was on the football team, or should I say he had a football uniform that never got dirty. LOL! I never heard the end of that one from my friends. Anyway, so we dated and he ended up going to the military after graduation, but we decided to keep the relationship going. Everyone knows the military pays good money but it ain't like you rich. This nigga thought he was rich, or he wanted everyone else to think he was rich but I knew better. He talked about how he was building a house from the ground up. (never saw it) He lied and said he paid cash for his car when he knew damn well he had a car note! FAKE! He changed his voice to make it sound like he had a east coast accent. LOL... The first time he came home he didn't want to have anything to do with me. It was all about his homeboys and trying to impress everyone back home. If we went on a date, his homeboys had to come and if they didn't want to go, he didn't either. (sounds kind of gay to me) They even took pictures at Star Shots together! Anyway, all of a sudden he was a member of the CRIPS (in his fantasy world) and was now portraying himself as a hood boy. WTF! Ain't nobody from the hood even know his ass! He was a school boy like a muthafucka. He stopped wearing red and started throwing up gang signs in every picture he took. I'm like get the fuck outta here! You was just in a studio picture standing back to back with your homeboy smiling. Matter of fact, you took more Star Shots than I did and I'm a woman. Yo ass is not gangsta! He wanted so badly to be a crip. If you ask me, that shit ain't the business anyway, but whatever! He painted his car candy blue, and started packing a gun. He even went as far as making up stories like..."man, them niggas trying to jack my shit, I ain't going to sleep tonight". Or, "man I just got shot at...we gonna get them niggas". LMAO! Bitch please! You probably don't even know how to shoot a gun. Fuck around and shoot your damn self. If you're reading this and you know me, you are laughing like a muthafucka right now. How fake can a person get? He's 26 years old now and still acting the same way. Get over it already! Sitcho ass down! You ain't no gangsta, you ain't rich, and you are not the shit! Quit oiling your body down and taking pictures with weights in your hands to put up on myspace. Stop riding your own dick! And know that I'm only putting you on blast because you walk around with your dick in your ass like your shit don't stink...well NEWSFLASH! Not only your shit stinks, but you and your attitude do to, so keep it moving!

holla!

Heavy

Ok, I need to lose weight! It's so hard though. I've tried so many things, but can't seem to stick with it. I know it takes hard work, I just can't seem to get on track and stay there. I need some motivation and willpower. Where does that come from? I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? A close friend of mine is doing a fast. She drinks water all day and if she feels hungry she drinks a protein drink. She eats one meal a day that consists of grilled chicken or fish and all the vegetables she desires. I tried that, but "hated it!". That isn't for me. **sigh** I'm to damn heavy!

holla

The Monique Show

Do ya'll ever listen to http://themoniqueshow.com? If not, check it out. It broadcasts from 2pm til 7pm. You can listen on the radio in certain cities. For those of you that don't know, I'm speaking of Monique from "The Parker's, Charm School, and Queens of Comedy". She has some great topics on the show, keeps it 100% REAL, and she's hilarious with it. I mean off the chain! At the same time, she knows how to turn the comedy on and off according to what's being said. Anyway, check it out...It's the business.

Lost and Found

I worked 2 hours past normal quitting time yesterday, so I came in late to work so I could take care of some personal business, or at least try. OK, so I go to the bank to purchase a money order for the new apartment I'm trying to occupy. BANK CLOSED UNTIL 9:00am. Big as day on the signs. It's now 8:00, so I said to myself, "OK, hang out until they open". Went to the book store and broused around. Didn't really find anything worth buying. By this time, it's 8:45, so I head back to the bank. Go to open the doors...still locked. I'm looking at them, they looking at me like "bitch we ain't open!". How about they didn't open the fucking doors until 9:20! I'm now pissed off. Who the fuck does that shit? I have to be to work by 10:00. I don't have time to go to the damn apartment complex now, fucking with Bank of America! By this time I'm starving so I go to Chic-fil-A and grab a chicken biscuit. DELI-C-OSO! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEIR HONEY ROASTED BAR-B-QUE SAUCE! Tha bomb diggity. But, why can't ya'll give me more than one sauce (Mr. and Mrs. Chic-Fil-A)? It's just some damn sauce! Get the fuck outta dodge. The window at Chic-Fil-A ain't that damn important for you to be arguing with me about some bitch ass sauce. Anyway, I get to my parking spot at work and my phone says, "FIND ME!". "What the hell!? I know I just talked on my phone" No phone NO WHERE! I'm like damn, I had to have left it in the bank. I'm so damn absent minded, it's ridiculous. Anyway, I come to my desk and try to find the phone number by looking up the location I went to. Who the hell has 20 different Bank of America locations in one area?! Who does that?! They had locations I've never even heard of. I know the name of the street I went to, but I still couldn't seem to find the location and phone number! WTF! Somebody finally found it for me and sent me the contact info. So, of course I call and....CAN'T SPEAK TO A REAL FUCKING PERSON! I hate those automated voices. Those bitches need to be fired. Point blank...period! I need a real human fucking being to speak with...shit! Is that really to hard for you Bank of America?! I'm just trying to locate my phone so I can have some type of communication and these bitches want me to push 1 for English and listen to the damn menu. Fuck that! I guess I'll go there on my lunch break and ask "HUMAN FLESH" since I can't seem to get them on the phone. Lunch time comes, I go to my car and low and behold! MY PHONE IS ON THE MUTHAFUCKIN FLOOR IN THE BACK SEAT vibrating and beeping all out of control. You know I'm pissed...Ya'll still need some real people on the phone Bank of Fuckin America! Ok, that's all i got for now...just a little (maybe too much) venting.
HOLLA!!!

i ain't scared of you muthacuckas...my boy!

Ok, why the hell do people take it upon themselves to start rumors about others? WHY?!?! I can't stand when people start running their mouthes and have no understanding as to what is going on. If you hear something and are not sure if it has any truth to it, please keep your mouth shut. Bernie Mac is not dead! You'd think a situation as sensitive and as serious as death would make people stop with all the bullshit, but I guess not. Show that man and his family the same respect that you'd want in return if that were you. Don't get me started! I ain't scared of you muthafuckas!

Getting back serious, my prayers go out Bernie Mac and his family. Get well soon.
Holla

New to Me

Wow! I never in a million years thought I'd be blogging. I don't even like to write much. Here lately, I've been reading lots of blogs and listening to vlogs (shout outs to Jia-TV!) and I love it! This will be an outlet for me, as I suffer with Social Anxiety Disorder. Diary of a Shy Black Woman inspired me...so KUDOS to you chic! I'm in a new city, no family...no friends...nobody. It's quite scary and lonely. I've expanded my horizons because in all actuality, I was never going to prosper in the small town I'm originally from. I believe my move (5 hours away), which was dreadfully difficult, gave me hope to kick anxiety in the ass and finally overcome it. Why do you ask? Because a part of me was not proud of myself and what I was doing. I have no college degree and had a dead end job. Although my job provided a great contribution to Breast Cancer Research, I felt as if I wasn't doing enough and wasn't worthy. With my new life and job (which provides full tuition reimbursement), I feel more confident. Don't get me wrong...I do have bad days! But, for the most part, I'm beginning to love life more and more. I'd love to get some suggestions on techniques I could possibly use to overcome social anxiety completely.