I Stand Alone

In a world of chaos, I stand alone, by myself.
Torn and twisted, all the hope of the future mingles
With the pain of the past creating the bittersweet present.
When the laughter fades, I must laugh alone
With no one else.
Secrets never misunderstood
For they linger on my lips forever unspoken.
Eternally damaged, broken.
Longing for some unknown answers to a silent question.
I stand alone, damaged goods in a beautiful box,
The part of my soul that remained unscarred
Stays sheltered from it all, watches as I wander this world, lost.
When love no longer matters,
My heart will beat alone, by itself.
When the world turns against me,
There is one solution left for me to follow through.
To show everyone just how strong I can be,
I must fight . . . fight . . . fight . . . until the end,
For the entire world to see.
When there is no hope left,
And my world has turned upside down,
I must stand by myself,
To stand my own ground.

Note to GOD: My Cry

I know that I am very blessed. I give You THANKS for every blessing I've received in the past, today, and the blessings yet to come. I understand that my steps have been ordered but at this point, I don't know my purpose in life. I understand that people must go through trials and tribulations to get to where they are destined to be, I just never thought it would come to this point. Jesus, I am asking you to come into my life and guide me. Show me the way, because it seems as if everything my life is in shambles. My tears won't stop falling and the only time I am immune to the pain is when I'm asleep. So, I tried to stay asleep as much as possible today. I know that I cannot continue to run away. I need some direction. It's just me and You right now and I am positive that I can call on You. Everything I've ever loved, I've lost. I am back to that PLACE CALLED NOWHERE, and it's lonely here. The only difference in the pain I have now is that it isn't UNKNOWN. I know where it's coming from, yet I still feel as though I have no control. I have nobody but You God, and I am begging You to make it alright. I have nothing but my FAITH and that is whats going to have to get me through because I don't have the answers to why am I here? Or what did I do to deserve this? Or why doesn't anybody understand? Or how do I move forward? Am I being tested on the amount of strength within me? If so, I'm not quite sure if I can pass this one without You. I've always had SOMEBODY in my corner and maybe they're still there. Maybe they just don't know I need them more now than I ever have before at this very minute. Maybe they just have so many problems of their own that it's extremely hard to see mine. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but can you please speak to their hearts and show them how things really are? I'm ice cold. My unborn child is just kicking away, and I pray that she is not enduring the same pain as me. I hope she doesn't feel the way I feel right now. I never want her to hurt so eventhough she is inside me, please block her from my pain. God, I am asking you to pick me up right now. I am lost and I need You to get me back on track before I bring life into this world. I cannot deal with her having to live under these circumstances. I cannot allow her to see me like this. I want what is BEST for her and I cannot give her that if I don't get past this. So, I'm giving IT ALL to You. Please cleanse my heart. Provide me with the strength I need to get through. Show me the road back to happiness and I shall follow.

In Jesus' Name I Pray,
AMEN

It's a Girl!!

I know. I know! I've been slacking when it comes to blogging. So much has happened in my life since the New Edition blog, I don't even know where to start. Things haven't gone quite the way I wanted them to, but I know it'll get better, so I'm not going to complain.

This blog is strictly for my little mama! Last month I had another ultrasound to determine the gender of the baby and of course to make sure she's developing like she should be. Well, IT'S A GIRL!!! :) I'm so excited! I do have a pic but the excited grandmother to be is holding it hostage at her work desk. As soon as I get it back, I'll post it. I also had a triple screen test to determine if she will have any birth defects such as down syndrome and some others that I can't think of, and all tests came back negative! Thank you Jesus!!! She is completely healthy and is right on track with her growth. I just began my 7th month of pregnancy. Boy does time fly!!! November 9th is her due date, so this little diva will be here before I know it!

So, I wanted her name to be Chosen, but O and my mother HATED IT! I thought it was beautiful and had pretty much made up my mind but I'm not going to go against Baby Daddy's opinion. After all, she is his child too. So, I came up with Kensleigh Arion and to my surprise he liked it....so that's what we're gonna go with. Little Miss Kensleigh!!! :)

I can't wait for her arrival. I think about her all the time. What she looks like...her personality...how big she's gonna be...her first smile...her and her father's relationship...and much more. She is already the highlight of my life and she isn't even here yet. My motherly instincts have already kicked in and I can't wait to be the best mommy I can be. I know it's gonna be hard, but I am willing to do everything in my power to make sure that my daughter is well taken care of, teach her things my grandmother and mother taught me, provider her with all that she needs and be there for her at all times. She is a true blessing from God and I thank him every chance I get for her. Yeah... I'm ready to do the mommy thang now!

Side note: I promise, I am going to start blogging more!

My Type LOVE

I want a love like, me thinking of you thinking of me type love

But I'm not talking about that type of love that Floetry was talking about in their def jam poetry type love. I'm talking about my type love. The type of love that makes you sick and good at the same time and sometimes, you won't even be able to differentiate either, but you still feel good at the end of the day type love. The type of love where you can spend a whole day without each other, being with your other kinds of love. And when I say other kinds of love, I mean the loved ones like your family, friends, and everyone else that ever mattered before this love came along other kind of love. The type of love that isn't selfish with you even doing all that because you know that at the end of the day, you'll get to be with this type of love you've been wanting and hoping for all your life. The type of love that isn't afraid of voicing its own opinion because being too much alike is just boring. The type of love that still lets me be my own individual rather than being some kinda type love where you can't breathe without each other type love. Because honestly, I'm my own kinda person. I don't need someone telling me that I make them complete because that kinda thing just sounds stupid. I need my own piece of mind. You're going to be you and I'm going to be me. Being together shouldn't "complete" us. Us joining forces just makes the both of us better type love. We don't need that mushy, gushy, corny type love. BUT! I don't want that type of love where you forget you're even in a relationship type love because all of what you've been working so hard to keep just falls apart.

I want the type of love that gets you, that surprises you, that makes you laugh, that makes you sing, and that has you learn a different side of you type love. In a good way. An everlasting love that isn't too much. The type of love where you'd rather NOT be on the phone with each other hours at a time because you'd rather be out doing adventurous things with each other type love. A love that doesn't let you forget what was and still is important in your life. A love that isn't too much to ask for, but everything you'd put your life in stake for. The kinda love that doesn't let me be ashamed to be standing next to him type love, because I believe in him so much that I wouldn't even have any doubt in my bones about him being that kinda love. And since we're on the topic of shame, I want that type of love that never ever comes close to doubting and cheating our ways against each other type love because we're happy with what we've got type love. I want the type of love that stands by you through whatever, no matter what. The type of love that brings out the best in both of us and lets us be foolish, bad, and crazy in a good way. The type of love that you can't even begin to describe what kinda love you wanted in the first place because you're at loss for words from the beauty you've found in this other individual. The type of love that doesn't just throw those three little words, I LOVE YOU, in the air like it's suppose to be taken lightly of. This type of love is beyond that because it knows it's love and not some petty thing that foolish individuals think will keep the relationship in tact. The type of love that doesn't have to even use those words because the actions spoken to prove that kinda love is already shown and seen. I want the type of love that Shakespeare or any respectable writer would have been proud to speak of in their writings. The type of love that makes everything in your life dance because it's like this love is the soundtrack to everything great. The type of love that doesn't let you be afraid, but if it happens to allow any bit of fear in, this love will be so strong that it overpowers any negative connotation of fear.

I want that type of love that makes hot, passionate, I need you, you're mine, we're the love we've been wanting and aching for love. The love that doesn't get old but knows how to grow type love. The type of love that allows you this growth but still be young type love. The type of love that you never get tired of because its a refreshing kind of love. I want the type of love that you hold onto, flaws and all. The love that is so infinite that this description of the type of love I want doesn't even fathom it's true identity type love.

I want the type of love that defines everything I grew up wishing and hoping to find and will keep til I'm six feet deep type love. That's the love I want. That's the love I need. No one wants petty love and one day, I'm going to find and have this kind of love that's far from being that.

Yep, like that me thinking of you thinking of me type love.

For Him

When I first saw you, I was afraid to talk to you...
When I first talked to you, I was afraid to like you...
When I started to like you, I was afraid to love you...
Now that I love you, I'm afraid to loose you...

Each time I miss you, a star falls from the sky
So if you look up at the sky and find it dark, guess what?
It's all your fault my dear...you made me miss you too much!

New Edition

Okay, so this is the little creature growing inside of me. Wow was my initial reaction. I've seen ultrasound pictures and all, but to see my own was completely indescribable! Life right before my eyes! I even had tears. None fell from my eyes, but they were definitely there. I used to always say I didn't want children and that I just wasn't put on earth to be a mother. Even when I found out, I was like "this is wack juice!" I guess when people say your motherly instincts kick in soon after you get pregnant, they aren't lying. I already feel like I want to provide this little person with everything (s)he could possibly need and want. I feel as though nothing else in life will matter to me if (s)he isn't a part of what's going on in my life. I already have a great deal of love for someone that I've never met. That in itself is amazing to me! I think this pregnancy is going to be so fun. I'm going to learn so many things that I never knew before. I'll try to be a walking human sponge! Needless to say, I'm excited! This will be the best gift I've ever received. EVER!!! I love this little person more than words can describe and I cannot wait to meet him/her.

Don't Quit

This past weekend, I expressed to my mother and aunt how much I hated my job and the fact that I was ready to get the hell out of that place under any circumstance! Now that I reflect back upon that conversation, I realize exactly how ungrateful I was becoming. When I first got the opportunity to move to Dallas, I was ecstatic. I saw all of the positive perks that came along with the job. (i.e. the pay, tuition reimbursement, wonderful benefits, the opportunity to make my mom proud, just something new and different) I've been here almost a year now, and I find myself complaining about this place more and more. For one, the people at my job make my stomach turn. They don't seem to acknowledge my opinion because I don't have this high class degree. BULLSHIT! I consider myself to be very intelligent, plus I know my job like the back of my hand. Therefore, I will not be patronized and treated like shit. Secondly, my boss has to find something wrong with everything I do just so he can reiterate the fact that he is the boss. Okay, I know he's my boss and I would never go beyond him and do something that I know isn't right. Why does he constantly criticize everything I do? Now, the things aformentioned have occured on more than one or two occasions and after a while, I began to get fed up. The "positive perks" drifted away from my mind and I began to see the negatives. I was to the point where I wanted to quit, pack up my shit, and be gone without thinking twice about it. Seriously. But, as I sit here and type this blog, I realize that no matter how bad things may seem, quitting is not an option unless a better opportunity comes along. Period. I would love to go and be with my family right now. I want that more than anything in the world, but at the same time my responsibilities will remain even if my job doesn't. If I made the decision to quit before having a back-up plan, I'd be slapping the shit out of myself in a month asking why I did what I did. So, I guess the lesson I've learned from this is to appreciate what you have. Be greatful for it because it can be taken away without warning. Understand that people will be people and unfortunately we do have some assholes in this world. But guess what, assholes have to work too. You will more than likely come in contact with one of them on a daily basis with any job you take on. If you feel yourself about to break, take a break. Pray. Ask God to give you the strength to get through. Do not act until you have really made time to think things through. I guarantee your mind will change when you weigh out the pros and cons.

Knock, Knock...Knock

Ok, so I have a crazy deranged neighbor! Apparently he and his wife just separated and ever since then he has been acting really strange and scary. Just a plum damn fool! It all started two weeks ago when he knocked on my door at 4 o'clock in the damn morning asking if we saw anybody coming up the stairs. Okay, who in the hell is up watching their stair way at 4 in the morning? Gotta be kidding me!? Anyway, he begins to apologize but said that someone taped a full, used condom to his door. Now, that is fucking gross first of all. Secondly, nobody wants to hear that shit! Especially not me. The next day he knocks again. This time it's about 9:00pm and he wants to know if my cousin and I want to go see Friday 13th. Uh, no! We don't know yo ass! Well, we didn't say it like that, but we said no. Last night, guess what? Another knock! But this time, it scared me. The first time he knocks it's about 11pm. He wants to know if I have some pain killers. I politely said no and sat back on the couch since I was having a case of insomnia last night. So, 15-20 minutes go by and here comes another knock. My stupid ass answers. Now he says, "uh, do you want to come over and we can order a pizza?" I was like,"No thanks. I'm asleep and it's too late for you to be knocking at my door." He said okay, apologized, and left. Why the fuck was he knocking 15 minutes later again!!!!! This time, I didn't answer. I walked to the door and said "Look! Stop knocking on my fucking door! I am trying to sleep and I don't know you so you need to back the fuck off before I call the police!". Here he goes, "I just wanted to know if I could come in for a minute. Just for conversation." OMG!!! At this point I'm furious, but at the same time terrified because I don't know this dude or what he's capable of doing. So, I stomped around the apartment really quick and came back to the door like I had gone to get something. I said, "I told you to leave me alone. Now, I have my gun right here ready to blow your fucking head off. If you do not leave right now, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Do you understand?!" He didn't say anything, but I heard him go into his apartment and close the door. Now this guy is either mentally ill or just plain crazy! It has to be one of the two. Whatever it is, I don't like the shit. I've reported him to the main office and if he knocks on my door again, I'm calling the police...No questions asked. What the fuck is wrong with people???

15 Year Old Beaten By Police

Click on the link below to see video:

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1543292903/bctid14370236001

"Seattle is a-buzz -- rightfully so -- over video footage that has surfaced of a King County Sheriff's deputy thrashing a teenage girl as she was confined in a holding cell. The beating took place November 20 of last year and was captured by a security camera. Once discovered, the video became instrumental in the misdemeanor assault case against Deputy Paul Schene.
The girl in question, unnamed because she's a minor, was arrested while riding as a passenger in her parents' car. The car had been reported stolen.

According to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer: The video shows Schene and Brunner as they escorted the girl into the holding cell. Schene had asked her to remove her basketball shoes, and, as she slipped out of her left shoe, she appeared to kick it at Schene.

Schene then lunged through the door and kicked her, striking either her stomach or upper thigh area, court documents say. He pushed her against a corner wall before flinging her to the floor by her hair. He then squatted down on her and made "two overhead strikes," although it's unclear where the blows landed. The detective who reviewed the video said it appeared Schene and Brunner had the girl under control when Schene struck her. Schene, who is 6 feet 2 and weighs 195 pounds, did not explain his action to investigators, court documents say. He and the girl exchanged words. Brunner said she was "real lippy" after being informed she was under arrest and called them "fat pigs."

The Sheriff's Office policy manual says deputies should use physical or deadly force only when "necessary to effect an arrest, to defend themselves or others from violence, or to otherwise accomplish police duties according to law."

NOTE:
Again! This is what I am talking about when I say police try to use their authority to justify some of the malicious crimes they commit! Now his ass needs to be in fucking jail!

Thank you!

I just want to take this time out to show appreciation for everyone that continues to love and support me.

Mama - You are my rock! I love you more than words can express. Thank you for always having my back, your wonderful words of encouragement when I'm down and out, and your willingness to always be there in time of need. I have the world's greatest mother!

Uncle Eddie - You are amazing! Thank you for always listening to my problems. You are the uncle I'm closest to and I appreciate you understanding me as a person and always calling me your #1 niece!

Uncle Tim - You really are the ideal husband, father, uncle, brother, etc. You possess the same qualities that I want my future husband to have. Thank you for always taking care of me and treating me like I was your own. I love you so much for that! But what you can do is stop with all the sarcasm every once in a while! Don't talk about my inability to cook if you aren't willing to teach me! :) You might be able to learn a thing or two from your big brother....Ty!

Uncle Tyrone - Thank you for always bringing family together with your everyday parties! You are so lovable and funny...Bernie Mac Jr. LOL I love you!

Uncle Derrick - You have such a huge heart. You are always willing to give your last. You are so selfless and that alone is admirable! I love you much!

Grandma - I love you for taking care of me when I was a child. You always made sure I had what I needed. You fussed at me a lot, but I more than likely deserved it! I'll love you always and forever!

Jimmy Dean - I love you for taking care of my Grandma the way you do. You always go out of your way to make sure she's okay. I know that when you're around, Grandma doesn't have to worry about a thing!

Aunt Rosalind - Wow! You are such a beautiful person, inside and out! Thank you for all you've done for me. You are a true blessing to the family! Love you!

Ker-Shenda - You are my best friend! I love you to an extent that nobody will ever understand. Thank you for always being there for me even if it was at 3:00 in the morning!

To my cousins: I love you all, but there's too many of ya'll to name separately! I love all of you equally but in different ways. All of you are beautiful and I'm proud of each and every one of you!

My family is awesome! I am so grateful to have been born into such a loving family. All of you rock!!!!!

My Precious Love

I remember when I was a little girl, my grandmother would take me to the hair salon with her. I’d get my hair curled in Shirley Temple curls and she’d get what we called Sista curls. She was the diva and I was Diva Jr.! Everyone in that beauty shop loved my grandmother. I don’t really remember much of the conversations held there, but I do know that my grandmother would have everyone laughing, hooping, and hollering from the time we got there until the time we left. She was so fierce it’s unbelievable. I still go to the same beautician now and when I’m there, she lets it be known that I’m Dorothy’s granddaughter. I quietly reminisce about my grandmother all the time, but especially today. She would’ve been 58 years old today. It doesn’t even seem like she’s been gone 10 years! I can remember so many things about her like she was just here yesterday. She was so full of love and she’d do anything for anybody. She loved purple pens...wouldn’t write with any other color. I can still remember what her handwriting looked like. It was beautiful and her D’s and H’s were so pretty to me. I can even remember her smell. She always smelled so good and she would always wear really high heeled shoes. She would let me come to her job with her and hang out all the time. Everyone would cater to me and get me anything I wanted. I can remember my mom, her and I would go shopping on weekends. If there was anything I wanted, I had it. No questions asked. After shopping, we’d go out to eat and she would always leave the waiter or waitress a fat tip! That was just the kind of person she was. My grandmother absolutely loved jewelry too! She had a ring for every finger, bracelets galore, earrings, anklets...etc. As a matter of a fact, I have one of her rings now that I wear every single day. Her cooking was to die for! I mean, that woman could make anything taste good! Even Spam! She and I used to watch cooking shows together all the time. (not sure why I didn’t pick that up from her) She’d be standing in the kitchen pigeon toed, stirring so hard her whole body would shake. I remember she loved hot baths too. She would soak in the tub for hours. Her skin was so soft. She lived with me and my mom for a long time while she was sick and although we were already close, we grew closer to each other during that time. If I was in a different room and she wanted me she’d say, “Ms. Gitrey...come here precious” To her everyone’s name was precious or sweetheart or something that made you feel good inside. Nobody could ever make me believe she had even 1 enemy in this world because everyone couldn’t help but to love her. There wasn’t a mean bone in her body. I love and miss that woman so much! She always knew how to fill my heart with joy. My grandmother was and still is very special to me. I’m so lucky to have been a part of her life. I never really believed in guardian angels until she went to heaven. She is my angel! She comes to me all the time. Not in ghost form or anything like that, but in numbers. For example, I always see the clock when it’s 2:26 or 6:22. (Her birthday and death date) My last apartment number was 2226. Just little things like that let me know she’s always with me in spirit. She’s even come to me through another person before. It was one of my patients and this particular person knew absolutely nothing about me but my grandmother spoke to her. As she was getting her blood drawn this woman told me my nick name and said that my grandmother was deceased and she knew we were really close. She knew things about me that nobody would know. She kept asking me questions and finally I asked why? She said because your grandmother wants me to tell you to start going to church. I was so shocked but I believed that lady. My grandmother was an amazing person and nobody could ever fill her void in my life. I wish I had more time to spend with her but I understand that she served her purpose on earth and she’s now in her eternal home. She still lives in my heart though and I have enough memories of her to last a lifetime. That’s a blessing in itself! Happy birthday Grandmother! I loved you when you were here physically, I love you now, and I’ll love you always and forever precious!

Dick Day

Okay, so that's what I've named this day. Why, do you ask? Because all the dicks in this office want to piss all over the pussies, that's why! I apologize for the vulgar metaphor, but that's exactly how I feel. If a question is thrown my way, AND ONLY MY WAY, why does the dick feel like he has to talk over me? I know my job and I complete my tasks autonomously. I don't need somebody else to fuck my duck because I'm very much so capable of doing it myself! Seriously! And after the meeting is adjourned, I don't need "the dicks" having little side conversations about what Kee is going to do, how she's going to do it, and when. Hell no! That's not how it works around here. Now mind you, this is some last minute shit they want when it was previously talked about and everyone came to an agreement on what was priority. I did what I had to do, now you want me to have my patients, who happen to live out of state by the way, come in for an EXTRA visit when they are already scheduled? What the hell is that? Then you want them all to come in the next 2 fucking weeks? Gotta be kidding me! That is not what we discussed in the last meeting and I've already scheduled them for their normal appointments and CT scans. We can kill two birds with one stone and have everything done in 1 day so patients don't have to rearrange their schedules just for a damn 10 minute CT. I'm so pissed off because I've scheduled all of these patients to come in a 2 month window. So, in April all patients will have had their CT scans, plus their normal standard of care appointments in the same day and live happily ever after. That was the unanimous decision. That's what the hell I spent a whole day doing. I'm not changing it just because they have come to a completely different decision without me, yet it involves me. I'm just not fucking doing it. PERIOD. Dick or no dick, I can still fuck my own damn duck and I don't need help. Got it? GOOD!

Now I will say this...had we come to this agreement when it was initially discussed, please believe I wouldn't have had a problem getting these patients scheduled within the time frame that is now preferred. I would've had a whole month to work with. But 2 weeks later you want to come into my office and just tell me I have to get them scheduled in 2 weeks!? Uh, no! You better sitcho ass down somewhere. You do not write out my pay checks. Case closed...end of discussion.

Oh, yeah! And then you didn't even bother to say, thank you or I appreciate a job well done. NOTHING. Absolutely no appreciation what-so-ever. Ha. Unbelievable!

OH MY...

Goodness! If you don't know, this is a picture of Rihanna after the altercation between her and Chris Brown. When I see this picture I immediately feel angry. Look at her! I never thought it would be this bad, but clearly it is. Now before seeing this picture, I didn't really have anything to say that would blame either party for what occured, because I didn't know what really happened. And even though I still don't know all the facts, I feel as though I don't need to know and don't really care to know. Look at her fucking face! As aformentioned in my previous blog about Chris and Rihanna, we still need to pray for and reach out to the both of them. That's all I gotta say folks!

Goodbye...

I was no longer happy. I believe in happiness and I also believe happiness is a choice. If you choose to be happy, you will be. It’s just that simple. I love O and care for him still, but right now I feel as though we are on two different pages in life. He’s not a bad person by far which is why it was so hard for me to say goodbye. I didn’t want the relationship to end this way, but I felt unappreciated. My love for him was taken for granted and if it wasn’t, he had a bizarre way of showing his love. Although I’m hurting inside, at the same time I feel a sense of relief. Only because I knew things hadn’t been right in a while. I thought maybe we were just “going through something” and things would get better, but I was wrong. Our relationship started to fall apart and I watched it happen day by day. It got to a point where phone conversations were very vague. No conversation lasted longer than 5 minutes. We used to talk for hours and have a good time. We used to do everything together. Then whenever I came back home, he’d choose to do everything under the sun but spend time with me. When things change drastically like that, it doesn’t go unnoticed. So, after having several talks about where our relationship was going and he reassured me that he really did want to be with me and try to make things work, I figured I’d give it a chance. Well, his actions didn’t back his words up at all and yesterday I just felt tired. I felt like I was in a relationship by myself. I called him and told him we needed to talk. I said “I think we both know things haven’t been right between us. I don’t know if it’s the distance, somebody else, or what it is, but I’m not happy. This is extremely hard for me, but my heart tells me that I can’t do this any longer. I’m not sure how you feel about what’s going on right now because you never express your feelings to me. I’m always left in the dark, so now I have to do what’s best for the both of us because clearly neither of us are happy. And if that’s the case, why should we have to endure this any longer? I don’t hate you, I think you are a great person, and I’m blessed to have been a part of your life. But, it’s time for us both to move on.”

So there you have it. I’ve chosen to focus on my life and LIVE life happily instead of being trapped in a dead end relationship. I wish O all the best in his life and maybe one day we’ll cross each other’s path again. But for now....I’m just going to do me. Yeah, I think that’s best.

Rasist Fuckery

Exactly what the hell is this all about? I find this very disturbing and don't think this issue should be taken lightly at all. The NY Post is out of line for this!

The Rev. Al Sharpton is demanding that The New York Post, which has come under fire in the past for racially tinged cartoons, explain what it meant in its latest controversial offering. Played prominently on today’s editorial pages, the cartoon depicts two police officers – one with his smoking gun drawn – standing over what appears to be a dead chimpanzee in a pool of blood. One officer says to the other: “Now they’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill.” Is begs the question: Are they referring to the dead chimp as the president of the United States?

Without jumping to conclusions I tried to determine what the $787 billion stimulus package signed into law yesterday and the police shooting of a raging mad chimpanzee have in common. The Rev. Al Sharpton appears to be a bit puzzled as well. “Being that the stimulus bill has been the first legislative victory of President Barack Obama (the first African American president) and has become synonymous with him it is not a reach to wonder whether the Post cartoonist was inferring that a monkey wrote it?”

“On its face, it appears that the Post is not only calling Obama an ape, but a dead ape. “The cartoon in today’s New York Post is troubling at best, given the racist attacks throughout history that have made African-Americans synonymous with monkeys,” Sharpton writes on his National Action Network Web site. “One has to question whether the cartoonist is making a less than casual inference to this form of racism when, in the cartoon, the police say after shooting a chimpanzee, ‘now they will have to find someone else to write the stimulus bill, Sharpton writes.

Chriannah Scandal

I'm so sick of hearing about Chris Brown and Rihanna. Seriously! Nobody knows what happened because nobody was there but the two of them. Rihanna, nor Chris have released statements explaining what actually happened. So, everybody needs to sit their asses down! I see all these outside people in the media who make it their business to "put their two cents in" and they don't even have the facts. What people need to be doing is reaching out to them both and not just being on Team Chris or Team Rihanna. They both need support and prayer. Now I will say this, it is not okay to put your hands on another person. However, people as in "we all" make mistakes and like I said, nobody has the facts to have an opinion worth listening to. I don't have a problem with people voicing their opinion, but know what you are talking about before you just jump on the bandwagon with whoever you think is right. That's not fair at all. With that said, people please let Chris and Rihanna settle their differences and get on with their careers.

Jesus, Take the Wheel

My best friend/sister tried to commit suicide last night. I don't know what to say to her. I spoke with her this morning....

Me: Hey sis, I just got your text. I was asleep last night.
Sis: I'm not supposed to even be talking to anybody right now. I'm not supposed to be here.
Me: What do you mean?
Sis: I overdosed on pills last night. Why am I still here?
Me: Because GOD said it's not your time. You have not served your purpose here on earth yet, and until you do, you will remain here with your loved ones. You do not have the right to take your own life because you did not create it!
Sis: (continuously crying)

Okay, in this situation, I have absolutely no idea what to do! I don't know what to say. I'm all the way in Dallas and she's not, so I'm not there physically. I know how it feels to not want to live anymore, but I've never made an attempt to commit suicide. I am so worried about her right now because I know she's going through something that she herself can't even understand. So I'm giving it to God and I hope she does the same.

Dear God,
You are the ruler of all things. I pray that you give my sister the strength she needs to carry on with her life. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. Please make it alright God. I love her to an extent that no person could ever understand. Show her how valuable she is to me and everyone else's life she has touched. Help her to comprehend the fact that her son needs his mother. Show her that everything she is going through will only make her stronger. She's still standing Lord, but I see her loosing balance by the minute. I'm standing on my faith in you God, because I know there is no other way. Please help her to do the same. I thank you for all blessings in the past, present, and in advance, the future. Jesus, we need you to help her get past this huge hurdle in her life. In Jesus' name I pray.

AMEN...

He, Me or She?

Could this be just one big illusion?
My heart seems to see clearly,
But my mind is steadily feuding.
Feuding with my heart & this so-called illusion.
Who has the last piece to this puzzle?
Am I supposed to have it or is he?
Is HE supposed to create it or are we?
Torn in between the two... Could it be?
Me between my mind and heart,
Or him between her and me?
Or is there even a she?
Is she me, or am I trippin...cause see,
Things aren’t like they used to be.
That's one thing that's very clear to me.
So, whatever or whoever you are...
A puzzle, game, a she, or an illusion
Don’t think you’re unnoticed,
Don't think I'll remain in the midst of confusion.
Because my heart and mind will eventually find a solution.

O.B.A.M.A.

Unfortunately, I was not in D.C. yesterday and did not get the chance to attend any of the events, but I did stream the inauguration live from my computer at work. WOW!!!! This man is awesome! He is so cool, humble, genuine, and confident, but determined, ambitious, and extremely powerful all at the same time. History books, here comes the first African American President of The United States of America!!! This moves me because given the fact that we (African Americans) have had some extraordinary people that have accomplished unbelievable things in their lives, we are always remembered as the fighters. I say that because we've always had to take what we wanted. Things we should've already had at birth. A seat on the bus. Integrated schools. FREEDOM! So, when we look back upon some of the most influential people in black history, I wonder. What if they didn't have to fight so hard just to be a normal person? What did they love to do or want to become other than normal? What would we have accomplished then? If those people were given the exact same rights as everyone else from jump street, our first black president would've come a long while ago, and I'm a firm believer in that. I am very grateful for people like Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Dr. King, Malcolm X, and many more because they paved the way for Barack Obama any every other black person in America, but I used to feel like damn, why did we always have to fight? What did we do? Barack Obama is erasing that perception of black people. He has proven, that if you dream big you WILL fly high. He's given us a sense of relief! So, exhale black people...live your life to it's full potential. Stand up and prove that you are somebody instead of fighting, acting a damn fool all the time, and just being down right obnoxious! Represent us in a new light because if you don't, that's a slap in the faces of everyone that helped us get to where we are today. And trust...it was a long trip...Hell, some of us are still riding!

X-Lax works! Why don't you?

It's been a long time coming...I know. Don't really have too much time for blogging anymore. Although it is very therapeutic for me, I just can't seem to get away from the chaos at my job. Clinic is booming. The "big kahuna" has a new research study brewing in his big ass head of idea soup every 5 minutes. It's crazy around here. All work...no play kind of thing. Anyway, enough about that...I found time today!

It's like super cold here!!! I'm sure it's nothing like the temp up north, but dammit that's why I don't live there. I couldn't even imagine it.

My cousin is such a bum! WTF?!?! I just don't get it. How is someone 26 years old, no job and not looking, in school but might as well say she's not because she doesn't even go to class, just content with that? Check out yesterday's conversation between us...

Me: What's up?
Cuz: Nothing. Girl I am so constipated!
Me: Take some x-lax or something.
Cuz: No. Just give me a cigarette. That'll make me go.
Me: Here you go.
Cuz 10 minutes later: I just can't go to school.
Me: Why? Because you're constipated?!
Cuz: I just can't do it. My stomach is about to pop.
Me: Whatever

Ok, now I have a problem with this. First of all, she missed a whole week of school fucking around in G-Town and on her first day back in the D, she's too constipated to go? Have you ever known somebody to call into work because they're constipated? Nobody can pay me to understand this. Now, don't get me wrong...I do know what constipation feels like and it is not fun, but if I haven't been to school in a whole week (for no reason), I would suck that shit up and go. PERIOD!

She's constipated alright.....FULL OF SHIT!