Note to GOD: My Cry

I know that I am very blessed. I give You THANKS for every blessing I've received in the past, today, and the blessings yet to come. I understand that my steps have been ordered but at this point, I don't know my purpose in life. I understand that people must go through trials and tribulations to get to where they are destined to be, I just never thought it would come to this point. Jesus, I am asking you to come into my life and guide me. Show me the way, because it seems as if everything my life is in shambles. My tears won't stop falling and the only time I am immune to the pain is when I'm asleep. So, I tried to stay asleep as much as possible today. I know that I cannot continue to run away. I need some direction. It's just me and You right now and I am positive that I can call on You. Everything I've ever loved, I've lost. I am back to that PLACE CALLED NOWHERE, and it's lonely here. The only difference in the pain I have now is that it isn't UNKNOWN. I know where it's coming from, yet I still feel as though I have no control. I have nobody but You God, and I am begging You to make it alright. I have nothing but my FAITH and that is whats going to have to get me through because I don't have the answers to why am I here? Or what did I do to deserve this? Or why doesn't anybody understand? Or how do I move forward? Am I being tested on the amount of strength within me? If so, I'm not quite sure if I can pass this one without You. I've always had SOMEBODY in my corner and maybe they're still there. Maybe they just don't know I need them more now than I ever have before at this very minute. Maybe they just have so many problems of their own that it's extremely hard to see mine. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but can you please speak to their hearts and show them how things really are? I'm ice cold. My unborn child is just kicking away, and I pray that she is not enduring the same pain as me. I hope she doesn't feel the way I feel right now. I never want her to hurt so eventhough she is inside me, please block her from my pain. God, I am asking you to pick me up right now. I am lost and I need You to get me back on track before I bring life into this world. I cannot deal with her having to live under these circumstances. I cannot allow her to see me like this. I want what is BEST for her and I cannot give her that if I don't get past this. So, I'm giving IT ALL to You. Please cleanse my heart. Provide me with the strength I need to get through. Show me the road back to happiness and I shall follow.

In Jesus' Name I Pray,
AMEN