I just don't know

I try to be a strong person...I really do! But where does strength come from? I don't understand how my mama does it. She's always been a strong woman and I've never seen her break. NEVER! No matter what goes on in her life, she always remains strong with her head held high. She doesn't complain, I can't recall ever seeing her cry, and she always finds a way to get through no matter how challenging it may seem. I wish I could be like her. I'm just about ready to get out of here! Don't get me wrong, I love my job and am very grateful for it. And I do realize that I am truly blessed to have it. I just don't think I'm strong enough to be here alone. I am trying to build a new life here, but I feel as though I have no life. I don't go out. I don't socialize with anyone. I cry a lot. Sometimes I get so depressed, my heart literally hurts. I'm lonely! People tell me all the time, "Girl, you got it good!" And I try to drill that in my head, but it's just not working for me. My social anxiety is taking over my life and I don't know what to do. I used to be able to hide it from people, but it's getting worse and worse by the day and I'm about to go crazy. Most of the time I don't even want to leave my house. I can't do most of the things others take for granted. Simple things like going to the grocery store, or the mall, or anywhere for that matter. I have panic attacks when I'm around lots of people. I start to shake. I don't want to speak because I feel as though I'm going to say something stupid. Everyone at my job is very close to each other and I feel like they think I'm weird because I don't say to much to them. It's not because I don't like them, it's just because I don't know what to say. My mind goes blank a lot and I start to feel dumb. I'm not blogging about this for anyone to feel sorry for me at all. Hell, I don't even expect for anybody to understand. I don't want a pitty party, I just wish I were normal. Here I am a 25 year old woman and I can't maintain. I'm so co-dependant upon my family and I know it shouldn't be that way, but it is. I don't know how to live in a huge city like Dallas. It's very overwhelming for me. I was trying to handle this situation on my own, but I'm not succeeding. I just don't know what to do and I'm getting to a point where I don't even want to live anymore...I desperately need help.